So I said it jokingly, but all jokes tend to have a bit of truth to them. Again, I never thought of myself as a really, really selfish person, but I recognize that I am broken and selfishness is an inherent part of me. Also, did I mention that I really enjoyed the stage of life we had been in throughout the last 5 years of our marriage? But then, we got pregnant and Kaia arrived.
It's only been four weeks, but I can honestly say that I don't feel like things have "changed" as much as "progressed". Although, with the cloth diapers and dealing with spit-up I have gone from doing one load of laundry every two weeks to at least one load every three days! Seriously though, having Kaia in our life has felt like a natural progression of the plan and journey that God has in store for us. No, it's not super easy every moment of every day...just because it's been a natural progression doesn't mean that I've been as graceful at dealing with the [
change] progression that I might hope to be, but it is an exciting journey to be on anyway.
Already, I can see my own character being shaped and refined by the presence of our sweet little daughter. God is growing and stretching me; this all hit home when I received an email the other day with a link to a list titled, "42 Things That Change When You Have a Baby". I clicked on the link thinking it was going to focus on all the things we give up when we have a kid, but I was pleasantly surprised; the list actually had a positive spin to it! So, I'd rather title it "42 Things That Progress When You Have a Baby". Many of the points were things I had been feeling, so it was refreshing to see them written out in list form; here are the top 13 things that resonated with me from that list (written in no particular order).
1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
I have spent significantly more time "being" rather than "doing" in the last four weeks; definitely an area of growth for me!
2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.
It is only in His strength that I can shepherd my child's heart toward Him and be something of worth to my daughter in this world.
3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.
Every moment that she is awake and in my arms there is no place or thing on earth that I'd rather be doing.
4. You respect your body....finally.
God's design is truly amazing!
5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.
I'm sorry for every moment I ever made them feel unappreciated or worthless to me and am already bracing myself for the inevitable day when my daughter will do the same to me :-(
6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.
No matter how tired I may be, all I want is for Kaia to be filled with joy and love and to protect her from every hurtful or bad thing this world has to offer.
7. Your heart breaks much more easily.
You name it, it'll probably make me cry...or at least will make me emotional.
8. You think of someone else 234,836,178.976 times a day.
I can't tell you how true this is.
9. Every day is a surprise.
Yes and we can't wait for it!
10. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)
So true! I've been spit up on, peed on, pooped on, and I love her all the more for it and rejoice knowing that they are signs of a healthy growing body!
11. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
Let's face it, all of us are a little narcissistic when it comes to looking at ourselves in the mirror. This is the one that makes me realize how quickly the "selfish" switch can be flipped...I truly know how much more important to me she is because of this one...I totally forget about myself and am mesmerized by her.
12. You become a morning person.
I guess I kind of was before, but now I truly am....
13. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.
I thought I had a pretty good understanding of how limitless God's love for us is through my experience of loving Jim, but my understanding has definitely progressed and I now realize the depth of that "limitlessness" in a new way through my love for Kaia.
- Suzy <><